


love is blind (or at least it will be by the time i'm done with it)

by sibley (ferns)



Category: Doom Patrol (Comics), Secret Six
Genre: Bad Decisions, Blind Date, M/M, and background characters, catman's fight or fuck response, included a whole mess of other background relationships too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:28:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24205174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ferns/pseuds/sibley
Summary: Liana decides it is high time she set Thomas up on a blind date. Her friend Flex has a similar idea.
Relationships: Thomas Blake/Cliff Steele
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	love is blind (or at least it will be by the time i'm done with it)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Boostergoldsmissingarm](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boostergoldsmissingarm/gifts).



> For Boost, who said verbatim "I think you should finally write the cliffthomas first date of my dreams." I hope this lives up to your expectations. Sorry if I didn't make fun of either of them enough.

“Look, Liana, I’m not so sure this is a good idea. A blind date isn’t really my thing.” Thomas awkwardly tugs at the bow-tie around his neck. Liana is Scandal’s wife—and Knockout’s too, of course, but Knockout isn’t their field leader—so basically anything she says goes. Which was why he’d initially gone along with her plan to set him up on a blind date with a friend of a friend. But now looking at himself in the bathroom mirror… he was having second thoughts. Third thoughts. Sixth thoughts.

“It’ll be okay,” Liana encourages from outside the bathroom door. “Flex said this guy’s a little tough on the outside, but with a whole lot of love on the inside.”

“Sounds just like our Tomcat,” Deadshot says (okay, it’s more like he cackles it, which is very unnerving) as he walks by, and Thomas automatically flips the bird in the direction of his voice before realizing he can’t actually see it because of the closed door. 

“That’s what _I_ said!” Thomas can _hear_ the smile in Liana’s voice. Part of him is a little convinced she’s just fucking with him. Then, a little more quietly and seriously, she says, “But you don’t have to go out with him if you don’t want to. This is supposed to be fun for you. If you don’t want to go, then it’s not fun.”

He looks at himself in the mirror again. He looks cleaner than he has in ages even though all he really had to do was take a nice warm shower and brush his hair. The bow-tie is technically his, and it’s one of the few things he left at the House of Secrets after deciding to strike it out solo and then promptly getting dragged back into _more_ nonsense, but it still looks _weird_ on him. The whole outfit looks weird. Wearing normal clothes is weird. Wearing clothes _period_ is weird.

Still, it’s sweet that Liana went out of her way to try to do something like this for him. They’re not really _friends,_ even if his occasionally suicidal loyalty to Scandal extended to her, too. She didn’t have to try to find him a boyfriend. But she did. And it was a friend from work who’d suggested the other person—how much trouble could he _possibly_ get in going on a date with another dancer, or a caterer, or someone with some other normal career that didn’t involve stabbings or superheroes?

“I’m going,” he decides. “But I’m leaving the tie at home.”

“Great!” Liana beams at him as he opens the bathroom door. She taps her phone and Thomas’ pocket vibrates. “I just sent you the address and his number so you can find him once you’re there. He should already have yours. Reservation is for a table of two, it should be under your name. Good luck, okay? And remember, it’s just one date!”

He tries to smile. He shouldn’t be so nervous. He’s been on dates before, _tons_ of times, but they were usually with people familiar with his line of work. This isn’t foreign territory, but it’s something close enough to be dangerous.

Especially because the address Liana sent him apparently belongs to the fanciest restaurant on this side of Gotham.

Thomas automatically starts scanning the place for exits and possible threats when the host sits him down after saying he’s the first of his reservation to arrive, eyes immediately falling on where Jeannette is at a table. Sue’s across from her, talking to their waiter. Jeannette winks at him when he finds her. At least it’s not like he’ll be there totally alone, then. He’s got one pretty heavy metahuman hitter there in case he needs someone to cause a scene so he can run away.

He’s awkwardly sitting and looking through the menu when his phone buzzes several times in rapid succession.

 **_Unknown Number [Sent at 9:05 PM]  
_ ** _Uh I’m here period I’m at the door period I don’t think they’re going to let me in without you saying I’m here with you question mark sorry I’m using text to speech and I’m not very good at it period send send_

 **_Nette [Sent at 9:05 PM]  
_ ** _Abort. Just give a signal and I’ll cover for you._

 **_World’s Greatest Detective (This is Sue’s number! I added her to your phone so you wouldn’t forget! :^D) [Sent 9:06 PM]  
_ ** _If you destroy this restaurant I’ll tell Scandal you’re the reason her favorite romantic spot got trashed. Take it outside._

Thomas looks up and has a crisis.

Cool. Great. Liana set him up on a blind date with _fucking Robotman._

At least it isn’t Black Canary in disguise again to tell him about how much better Huntress is than him and how much he doesn't deserve her. Small mercies.

Honestly, he has no idea how he ends up back across the restaurant and dragging Robotman outside. (Name. He knows his name. Right? Steele, it’s something Steele, he knows because he and Deadshot made fun of it for months afterward—a robotic superhero with the last name _Steele._ It was a riot.)

“You’re Tom, right?” His real name sounds weird coming out of Robotman’s mouth. “Sorry. I know I’m probably not what you were expecting.”

Wait. Wait a second. “You don’t recognize me?”

“...No?” He sounds legitimately confused.

Thomas lets go of the front of his jacket (and oh, wow, he somehow managed to get a suit in his size but he _still_ decided to wear a worn leather jacket over it? Forget the robot body, no wonder they didn’t want to let him into the place) and steps back, shifting his legs into a fighting stance as subtly as possible. They’re still within plain view of the inside of the restaurant, so hopefully Jeannette’s keeping tabs on the situation. “Seriously?”

“Did we fight?” Robotman appears to have no concept of “stance” in general, but he does bring his fists up. “Are we fighting now? Was this a trap?” Then he tilts his head, something _inside his metal face_ making a clicking sound like a camera shutter going off. “...Catman?”

Thomas bares his teeth. “I’m as surprised as—”

Getting slammed into by Robotman is like getting hit by a car, just with more leather.

Thank _god_ he’s getting dragged away from the restaurant, but also _oh no, he’s getting dragged away from the restaurant._ Now Sue can’t get mad at him for destroying it _and_ Jeannette may not help him. Not that she probably would anyway. She’s his teammate and she’s family and his rivalry with her for Deadshot—Lawton—is more playful than anything else since right now _neither_ of them are screwing him on the regular, but she’s also scary as shit and older than anyone has any right to be, so…

He manages to get a good hold on Robotman’s antennae-things, which look a little different than they did the last time he saw him. Actually, a lot of him looks different. Huh. Not that he paid much attention to how he looked before. Unfortunately, the antennae are a lot more durable than they look, so even when he wrenches them sideways, they don’t break. They _do,_ however, give him the leverage to maneuver in a different direction, so they get flipped around before crashing into the dumpster Thomas was almost squashed against.

He’s not strong enough to actually pin him in place. He knows that. He doesn’t have much by way of weapons with him. Even if he did, his claws can’t cut through Robotman’s metal shell. He learned that the hard way. So it’s sheer determination that keeps him crouched there. Maybe that’s the same thing keeping Robotman down.

And. Well. Here’s the thing.

There’s Jade, shoving him down and fighting him the whole way not because either of them wants to stop but because this is how it goes. There’s Deadshot—there’s Lawton—there’s Floyd smelling like gunpowder and cigarette smoke and a genuinely filthy rooftop or two or eighteen. There’s Huntress slipping cuffs on his wrist just because she can get him to stay still that way while they scuffle in an alleyway. There’s whatever the _fuck_ happened in Rusty Red’s.

So it shouldn’t be surprising that right now there’s his blind date who turned out to be one of his personal least favorite superheroes on the planet underneath him making zero effort to get away even though he’s probably strong enough to snap Thomas clean in half.

It’s not a kiss. Thomas doesn’t even know _how_ he’d kiss him. His mouth is all metal and not shaped like a human’s. But it’s _something._ He’s _warm_ against his face, like metal that’s been out in the sun not quite long enough to be blistering on contact. He smells like spilled oil and one of those stupid tree-shaped air fresheners people hang in their cars and laundry detergent.

(It’s not a kiss. Cliff doesn’t even know _how_ he’d kiss him. He hasn’t properly kissed anyone since becoming like this because it just seemed physically impossible. But it’s _something._ He can register weight easily enough. There’s a phantom sensation of touch and a tangible rush of excitement. It’s surprisingly nice.)

“Are we done?” Robotman asks cautiously when Thomas sits up a little more and pulls his face back from his. It’s too dark to see the red splotch where he was pushing his cheek into the metal of his jaw.

“Do you want to start fighting again?” Thomas arches his back and stretches until his shoulder pops. The nice upscale clothes he’s wearing are a little too small by design and ride up on his stomach when he does. Hey, if Catwoman can use that kind of trick to her advantage, so can he.

“...No,” Robotman admits. Then he makes a clanky laughing sound. “Do you think they’ll let us back in?”

“Probably not.” He jumps to his feet, immediately slips on some trash, and hops backward while pretending he didn’t just do that. “I’ve got a better idea, anyway.”

* * *

 **_Liana [Sent at 8:09 AM]  
_ ** _How did the date go?_ 🤞

 **_Me [Sent at 8:10 AM]  
_ ** _IMG_6513.jpeg_

 **_Liana [Sent at 8:13 AM]  
_ **😮

* * *

 **_Jane+ [Sent at 9:01 AM to GROUP: 2 Doom 2 Patrol]  
_ ** _Hey Cliff, where are you? Did your date go that well? Flex said you were nervous when he dropped you off._

**_Me [Sent at 9:03 AM to GROUP: 2 Doom 2 Patrol]  
_** _It turned out to be cat man period sorry I’m not home yet comma things went OK I think period trying to send a picture of him period_

**_Me [Sent at 9:03 AM to GROUP: 2 Doom 2 Patrol]  
_ ** _IMG_3451.jpeg_

 **_Rita_ ** ❤️ **_[Sent at 9:04 AM to GROUP: 2 Doom 2 Patrol]  
_ ** _HIM?!?!?_

 **_Case [Sent at 9:05 to GROUP: 2 Doom 2 Patrol]  
_ ** _LMAO_

* * *

“Blake.” Thomas looks up. Scandal crosses her arms. “Thank you for not wrecking Sebastiano’s. However, you are now on lookout duty for two weeks after fraternizing with the enemy.”

He starts. “Hey—”

“You were the one who added the clause about being affiliated with the Doom Patrol,” Scandal reminds him. “Lookout duty. Two weeks.”

“Great,” he mutters as she marches away. It’s not like she’s _wrong._ He _was_ the one who suggested that they should ban anyone affiliated with the Doom Patrol from associating with them, a rule which had then been modified to specify that this only applied to official members after they’d learned Ralph had been a member of one of the Thayer Jost (exceedingly stupid name, in Thomas’ opinion) Doom Patrol teams for about five whole minutes one time. (Which he now realizes also protects Liana from facing consequences for potentially being friends with someone on the team, if that’s how “Flex” knows Robotman.) 

But this was different! He isn’t being friendly with any of them. It’s currently exactly the same as his relationship with Deadshot or Huntress or Jade where they sometimes tried to kill each other and sometimes just hung out and screwed around, just with a more exploratory definition of that screwing because one of them had a robot body. Not that he can explain that to Sandal.

Oh, well. Guess that means he’s going to have to sneak out of the house tonight for his “rematch” with Robotman.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm bored out of my mind over on augustheart.tumblr.com, please come prompt me while I recover from getting my wisdom teeth taken out.


End file.
